Well. Here I am. My last night in Canada. All of a sudden it seems very real, and very immediate that I am going back to England. It almost feels like I'm going for a holiday. So, what to write at the end of such a trip? What I've learnt? What I feel? Regrets, if any? Plans for the UK? Highlights, and lowlights? I shall try and put a bit of everything in here.
Firstly. Highlights. So many to choose from! The range from the minute and intangible - like the feeling of really belonging after my first shift at coffee chain Tim Horton's back in January, to the obvious ones: camping wild in Tofino, seeing whales not 50m from our boat, Hawaii, the Rockies and the black bear, Whistler. And then some more random ones in between: spending a day driving maniacally round Vancouver trying to furnish a house on a shoestring. Heading to the park with all my housemates and playing basketball, soccer and climbing on the playground before going home to dinner, drinks and cards. Hockey games. Coldplay gig. Being promoted at work. Running the Run for the Cure race with colleagues. Hosting a "waifs and strays" Thanksgiving dinner. And I'm sure I could think of many more if I put my mind to it.
Lowlights. We all have them, let's be honest! The hostel in Vancouver before we moved into the house. Feeling like it was taking a while to make friends of my own other than my housemates. Our landlady (although that's more craziness than bad point). House tensions, which are inevitable when so many of you are living under one roof.
Do I regret that I'm coming home before my technical "year" is up? I did. For sure. And it was a struggle to let go of that idea. But sometimes, life just has a way of slotting things into place that makes total sense, despite your own initial feelings. Now I know that, realistically, after my time in Chicago, NY, and Canada with Han and Alana, Vancouver would never be the same to return to. And to be there for the sake of it, with no real home, or job would never be as much fun as it was before. And I've had complete peace about it for a good few weeks now :-)
Do I regret not extending my visa. Yes and No. Yes because, well, I love Canada! Any time spent here is awesome. No because, no matter how much I love it, leaving would always be hard, whether I do it now, or in three years' time. Maybe I would have stayed longer, but I also made a decision, even before arriving here that would influence my time in Canada, a decision also based very much on a solid gut instinct and the then current situation (which is always a good way of making choices). I'm talking, of course, about Quentin. Some might have said it was madness to agree to him following me over after having known him the grand total of a month. I'd have agreed! But, gut instinct is a powerful, and usually correct tool. Sure enough, it has worked out, better I think than either of us had hoped, or expected even. And when it comes to matters of this nature, as much as the willful, independent girl in me would protest this, eventually it ceases to be about your geographical location but that other person, and considering what they want as well.
What have I learnt? Many things. None of them springing to mind, typically! For one, free bank accounts are a marvelous thing, and we would do well to appreciate them more! Being generous with your helpfulness and kindness is a wonderful thing. Doing extra to give the best directions possible, opening doors, giving a stranded traveller with no change the $2 for the bus where notes aren't taken, or letting an old, homeless man pat your dog for a few minutes, and chat to him are small things but they're the things that leave the best impressions. Canada is home to the most consistently happy to help, approachable people I've ever known.
Sales assistants aren't evil. Or even purposefully annoying. In most cases, they're in the job because they are of a helpful, outgoing nature - well suited to retail. A good one knows that the best way to do the job is not all about the sale. It's the help and advice that matter. If you take the time to ask for it, it can be invaluable. But if not, and if there's only one thing that you take from this, it's that bowing your head and avoiding them is unneccessary and makes them (me!) feel rubbish. All it takes is a genuine smile, and something along the lines of "just looking for now but I'll shout if I need anything" and everyone's happy.
Over the year I've felt a specific plight pressing on my mind and heart - that of isolated, lonely (usually more elderly) people. People that don't have too much of a support network around them. Probably because worrying that I have no friends and feeling lonely is something that I can succumb to quite easily.
People aren't as intimidating as I think. Still working on keeping this one in mind, as it's another thing I'm apt to think - that everyone's too cool for me. But if you push past it, more often there is a fabulous person in their own right underneath. They might not be who you would usually choose to befriend, but they're worthy of friendship and love nonetheless. Having spent this year living with a group of people that I'd previously have been massively intimidated by and thought would never want to be friends with me, I know this is the case. And I wouldn't have swapped any of my housemates for the world, and I miss them a lot!
Being on my own is fine :-) People aren't staring at me, secretly wondering why this girl doesn't have any friends. Lots of people are alone, for many different reasons, and alone does not equal loneliness.
Life usually works out, if you let it. And put a bit of effort in. There's always a solution. It might involve some extra cash, or a bit of waiting around, or a detour (especially traveling!) but you are rarely optionless. And even if you are, it's not the end of the world, it's just annoying. So chill. It'll work out. Adaptability and a good dose of "go with the flow" are inevitable in all situations.
What I haven't figured out is what I want to do when I get back to London. Ooops! I do know that as much as I think it's a very cool city, I don't want to be there forever. I'm don't think I'm in love with it. Harsh maybe, but true. Not that I don't want to live there again, I do, but it's not the be all and end all. I think I'd like to return to Canada one day, properly.
What am I looking forward to? Ribena, cheese, accessibility to most places, better phone and banking, Spooks, BBC dramas.
What will I miss? Mountains, so much! The Pacific, which by now I think is the ocean I've spent most time with, out of all the waters of the world. It feels more local to me than the Channel, or the Atlantic. Pancakes and maple syrup. Hockey. I can't tell you how much I'm dreading coming back to the endless phenomenon of football matches, reports and fights. Big lakes. Local skiing. Cheap transport. Cheap gas. Tim Horton's. Ton's more. Good sushi. Raccoons in my garden. Summer evenings on the beach. My big verandah. House games of fives and Settlers. Talking skiing/hiking/camping for a job. Tons, tons, tons more. That feeling of striking out on my own independently.
I could write more. I'm sure I've not done this year justice in this post. But I have to check out of my hotel in a quarter of an hour, so I bring this to an end. It's been amazing, fun, hard, cold, hot, bizarre, easy, lonely, busy, hilarious, random, loving, full of laughter. Not sure I'd have done anything differently to be honest. I have no regrets. Every good bit and bad bit contributed to the overall lasting experience, which, when I look back on it, feels undeniably me. And that's about all you can ask for :-)
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